Shenanigans On A Boat
by Vanillite the Dragonslayer
Summary: Takes place during A Glimmer of Hope by COOKIECHEESEMAN, though you don't need to read it to understand a few things. What happens when you put together a bunch of FE characters on a big ship? Crazy adventures, that's what! Current Continent: Magvel.
1. Lycian Brawl

**Welcome aboard! Enjoy the story! Special thanks to COOKIECHEESEMAN, who allowed me to use his characters. In this story, Nils is basically Lyn's roommate. Most of the continuity can be found by reading A Glimmer of Hope by COOKIECHEESEMAN. Oh, and Canas is alive. You don't need to read AGOH to understand some things though.**

* * *

Act I: Lycian Brawl

It was just a regular day in the land of Pherae, the fishermen were fishing, the baker was baking, the hunters were hunting, the fighters were fighting, the archers were arching and there was a giant metal ship at the harbor.

That isn't normal...

* * *

 _Meanwhile, millenia into the future..._

"Hey Flak, where's my time traveling luxury lander?"

"I don't know Lash, I didn't touch it!"

* * *

 _Back to the present..._

Now at the moment, the owner of the ship came ashore. He was a young man who looked 15 years old, and he was wearing a purple robe over a purple shirt and purple pants. He also had a purple cloak that doubled as a cape, purple boots and silver gauntlets. At his side was an icy-blue rapier with a turquoise gem on its hilt and on his head was a purple hat with a feather. He also wore glasses over his blueish-silver eyes.

Now this young man was headed to the city market to buy some supplies. Before that, a teal-haired knight whose hair covered his eyes stopped him.

"Excuse me sir, but we'll need to inspect you."

"Why?" The boy asked.

"You might be an assassin, sent to kill the Marquess."

"How am I supposed to know that? I don't even know who rules this place."

"I'm sorry sir, but it is the law in all of Lycia. Whoever docks in port must be inspected by the local soldiers. If they fail to secure the people, they shall be held responsible. Now take off that cloak sir, you might be hiding something." With that, the knight grabbed his purple cloak.

Turns out, he was hiding something. Turqoise wings unfurled, like those belonging to a- "Dragon!" The townspeople screamed, interrupting the narration. The knight quickly drew his sword, and the poor boy was forced to flee.

*Cue battle music. The author suggests Ultimate Battle from Plants vs. Zombies. Specifically the Dark Ages Version. What? It's fitting!*

A bunch of other troops began to mobilize. There was a knight with green armor, and a woman next to him holding a bow. There was also a bunch or armor knights and axe fighters. As the boy was cornered, with a frown of his face, his hand glowed an icy blue and the temperature dropped. He held his hand up and a ray of cold energy shot out, making a few armor knights collapse.

* * *

"Zoozoozoozozoozoo..." the sound of a kazoo rang out in the air. Said kazoo belonged to a boy whose physical appearance seemed no less than 13 with light blue hair. He was accompanied by a woman with green hair in a ponytail wearing a Sacean dress.

"Nils, what are you doing?"

"Just practicing," replied Nils. The two of them were in Pherae to visit Marquess Eliwood. Nils also used to live here, because his sister was Eliwood's wife. While walking, he saw the commotion. "Look over there!"

"Seems like someone's being attacked! Quick, Nils, let's go!"

"Yes, Lady Lyndis." Lyn didn't have time to correct him. How many times has she told him, not to call her that. She's not even a princess anymore. She then bonked an axe fighter on the head with the blunt edge of her sword and the guy collapsed. She took care not to kill or cause any vital injury, these men seemed like Pheraean soldiers. Just then, she caught a glimpsed two familiar shades of green.

"Sain, Rebecca!"

The green knight, Sain, answered back, "Why if it isn't the lovely Lady Lyndis! What brings you here?" Despite Caelin being dissolved into Ostia, Sain and many others still respected her and treated her like she was still nobility.

"Never mind that, what in the sunken land of Tellius is going on?" She asked.

"Oh, there was this dragon kid that docked into port. Lowen thought he was gonna cause trouble." Sain replied. He was expecting this to be another boring day. "I personally think they're just paranoid."

"Well, help me knock these guys out. Maybe we can reach this kid and talk to him."

"Okay." Fortunately, Rebecca had good aim, so she shot the others in the knees (Sorry, couldn't resist.) which managed to put some guys out of battle. As all this was happening, the dragon boy found himself surrounded when he heard the sound of a flute. It somehow invigorated him and he froze the feet of a couple horses. This chaos continued until finally, Lord Eliwood arrived on his white horse. "Troops, what in Saint Elimine's name are you doing!"

At the sound of his voice, all the troops turned to face him with a salute, which caused some guys to topple down by accident. "Marquess Pherae, a dragon docked into port! We fear he might ravage the town!"

"Has he killed anyone yet?" Replied the Marquess. He knows a few dragons and isn't prejudiced against them. He was replied with a resounding "No, sir.". "May I know where he is now?" The crowd pointed to the boy's position.

Eliwood galloped over to the guy in purple. He was cowering and shivering in fear. He seemed to be really sad. "If you shall kill me, make it quick. I did not mean to cause harm." The boy sighed as he fell on the ground, preparing his death and mustering the thought of every deity and saint he could think of. Naga, Mila, Duma, Forseti, Salamander, Hartmut, Roland, Durban, Barigan, Hanon, Saint Elimine, Athos, Brammimond, Saint Latona, Asheruna, and Anankos.

The blow never came. Instead, Eliwood asked for his name. "I am Matthew. As you can see, I am a dragon. To be specific, half Ice Dragon and half Mage Dragon. I hail from the land of Khadein, home to the Mages' College, in the continent of Archanea. I am on a journey across the seas."

Eliwood reminisced on the past. He remembered he once knew a guy named Matthew, but the man died alongside his liege, Lord Hector of Ostia. He also knew about Ice Dragons. In fact, his wife was half Ice Dragon. He doesn't know about any Mage Dragons, though he also knew his son was falling in love with a dragon, and a guard in Ostia fled after it was found out that he was in a relationship with one, too. The Marquess' wife was next to him, and gave him a look that said 'let him live'.

"Alright, I shall spare you. You may go in peace." Eliwood thwn turned towards the townspeople. "My people, there is nothing to worry about. Don't you see, this dragon is but a child! Surely he won't harm anyone. If any of you will perish by his hand, I shall take the blame upon myself and bring him down personally."

That was enough to silence them. At once, the villagers resumed their daily business. Eliwood exchanged a handshake with Lyn and Nils, then Lyn saw the person with him. "Ninian, you're alive? I thought you were dead!"

"I'm not Ninian. Is that Nils?" At once, she recognized the young bard and hugged him. "Nils! It's good to see you again!"

"Augh! Too tight... sister..." Nils replied as he was crushed into a bone-crushing hug. "Lady Lyndis, this is Tavia, Ninian's twin sister."

"Why is she living with Eliwood?" Inquired Lyn, wanting to know. This time, Eliwood spoke up. "She came with Roy during Lilina's wedding. After that, she decided to live here."

"And Lyn, if you're worried about my health, I wouldn't die. My sister only died because the power of the hero Bramimond was limited." Lyn made an "Oh" face and Tavia asked Nils a question. "So is this lucky lady your girlfriend?"

...

Well, that triggered them.

"She/He is not my girlfriend/boyfriend!" They said in unison, making them blush. They lived together, but they had no romantic relationship. Plus, this wasn't the first time they were asked that. A red-haired woman once came upon their house in Sacae, and asked that same question. They said no, but the lady kept teasing them and probably thought they were married once she left.

Little do they know, said woman was one of Tavia's friends. As they were speaking, Matthew came back from shopping with a large sack of supplies and a huge metal pot filled with different kinds of meat. "Okay, now that's all taken care of. Sorry to cause problems, Sir Eliwood." Eliwood replied, "It's okay."

"Thank you for letting me stay for a while and sparing my life. But now, I'm afraid I must go. You see, I'm on a quick detour around Elibe to gather companions to accompany me." He said as he strode back to his ship. Lyn and Nils ran after him, panting as they caught up. "So do you two want to join me on my adventure?" They replied 'yes'. "Alright then, say your goodbyes and we'll be off!"

And so, the great adventure, spanning continents and millenia, begun. Who knows what shenanigans can occur on a boat? Roll credits!

* * *

 **I took special care to retain continuity with AGOH, so I exchanged a few PMs with COOKIECHEESEMAN most questions/plot holes will be answered with the information I told him. And before you could argue Ice Dragons and Mage Dragons don't have wings, let's just say they have, but it's extremely rare.**

 **Next chapter: Nabata, Etruria and Ilia!**

 **Update 5/30/2017: Sorry guys, but I guess we're skipping Nabata. I had some technical difficulties.**


	2. If You've Got The Aptitude

**Welcome back! In this chapter, we will see two guys with purple hair. It should be pretty obvious by now. Let me take the time to remind you that the ship comes from way into the future. Special thanks to COOKIECHEESEMAN, without him this story wouldn't exist.**

 **WARNING: This chapter contains... cone helmets. Expecting something else, weren't ya: TOO BAD, WALUIGI TIME! (Virtual Ice Cream to those who get it.)**

* * *

Act II: If You've Got The Aptitude...

The ship was a large mass of metal. Below deck, there was a cooling system, a food storage area that was kept very cold to preserve the perishables, a kitchen, some quarters, a workshop presumably for weapons and armor, a training room, and working washrooms, including- "What's this?" Nils asked innocently, pointing towards a white seat which had a hole filled with water in the middle. "Are you supposed to drink from it?"

"That, my young friend, is a toilet. No, it is not for drinking. Its usage is for relieving oneself." At that reply, Nils turned a shade of crimson. The hybrid dragon continued explaining stuff. "There is a switch you must push when you are finished, it will drain the basin of its contents." He pushed the switch, and the toilet's contents drained. "There is also a tub in which you can bathe, or you can use one of these spray things." He pulled out a shower head, which, of course, they do not know what it is.

"This thing seems to be controlled by two knobs, the one on the left controls the strength of the spray, and the one on the right controls the temperature. All of the water systems seem to be connected, with clean water going in and all the waste presumably collecting in one spot."

Matthew led them to the hall with the quarters. It was neat and tidy. "I guess it's time for you to choose your room. Do you want bunk beds or a regular one?" After a reply of 'regular', he brought them towards their room. It had a large bed in the middle, with bookshelves, weapon racks and tables with chairs. "It's getting a bit late." Nils noted, as the clock read 9 in the evening.

The dragon in purple shrugged. "I guess we've traveled some distance and we ate dinner already, so time to sleep, I guess." Of course, Lyn and Nils blushed at sleeping together in the same bed, but it was impolite to not be content, so they just went with it.

* * *

 _The next day..._

When Lyn woke up, the first thing she noted was that something was wrapped around her wrist. It was... scaly. It was constantly squirming too. As she pulled the covers away, she saw that it was a turquoise draconic tail. She followed the general derection of the tail until it reached Nils, who slept facing against her, and she deduced it was his. To make sure, she tickled it until Nils woke up and he was laughing.

Nils calmed down and blushed when he saw his tail. He then slid it away from Lyn until it was swishing behind his back. Lyn asked why he had a tail now and he shrugged. Perhaps Matthew might know a thing or two. They headed to the mess hall, where he had prepared three plates containing an egg, some bacon and a loaf of bread. There was also two glasses of milk and a mug containing a dark liquid. "Good morning, my fellow sailors. Slept well?"

"Yeah, but for some reason, I have a tail now." Nils replies, as Matthew drinks milk and eats his meal. "Oh, that's typical of a dragon's growth. When dragons reach a certain age, some of them begin to show their wings while in human form. Some dragons can hide it," He took another sip. "But some like me can't, so we conceal it using clothes. You, on the other hand, probably have no wings as an ice dragon. Wings can be found in hybrid Mage and Ice Dragons, but pure breeds and ones with human blood don't have. Because of this, your tail manifests in your human form instead." He says as if it was all normal. He then explains that the ship can navigate on its own, all you had to do was specify the destination, and the ship's machinery will calculate the shortest naval route. Currently, they were heading for Etruria.

Lyn drank the dark liquid which their captain called coffee. Apparently, it was made from crushing a certain type of bean and mixing the powder into hot water. It was hot and bitter but invigorating. After breakfast, they headed to the washrooms to take baths. Then Lyn and Nils headed to the training room while Matthew headed to the workshop.

In the training room, Nils found a tome labelled 'Blizzard' which was presumably of foreign origin. He tested the icy spell on the practice dummies while Lyn was practicing with a Killing Edge. Along with the Mani Katti and the Sol Katti, these were the only weapons she brought on board. Nils didn't know how to fight, so he decided to learn magic on board to protect his friends and himself.

* * *

 _Meanwhile in the workshop..._

Matthew took out an iron casting mold with hardened leather held in place and poured a vat full of white liquid into it. He sealed it, then blasted it with a cold spell for a while. Then, he removed the iron mold and the result was a black cone with a square base. He took out a knife and carefully carved a hemisphere into the base of the cone, then he dipped the it into a vat of orange paint then let it dry.

He then made some leather into a head-fitting frame and used metal to attach it to the inside of the cone. He took off his hat and wore the cone on his head. As he walked around the workshop, it was held in place by the leather frame.

The young hybrid dragon was satisfied with his work. He then continued to make a few more weapons for the crew. He made some swords out of silver and imbued one with frost, then he forged a Levin Sword. He forged a couple of Hand Axes and Javelins, just in case. Matthew put his hat back on his head, storing away the cone in case of battle.

* * *

After some time, the crew arrived at Etruria. The people there were more laidback than Lycians, and mages of all different kinds lined the streets, prancing around practicing spells. It was an Armor Knight's worst nightmare. All around, merchants were peddling spellbooks, with elder magic being as hard to find as swimming for the legendary blade Ragnell in the depths of the ocean. The three of them headed to the tavern to hire some mercenaries. After all, they had to balance the team, as no one had a decent Defense stat.

Unfortunately, the tavern was filled with a bunch of drunken idiots. As they sat at a table, hoods concealing their faces and pondering what to do, a violet-haired man in a red robe walked into the bar, ordered a pint of ale, and sat at the only seat available, which, incidentally, was at their table.

"Man, my job is hard," He said as he took a sip. Lyn thought the voice sounded familiar. The man's hair was, for some reason, in a side braid. Nils thought he saw the very same hairstyle on someone before. "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Erk, Count of Reglay."

Lyn's eyes widened, then she took off her hood and exclaimed, "Erk, It's great to see you again!" As Erk was pulled into a bone-crushing hug, Nils felt a pang of jealousy in his heart. "Oh, hey Lady Lyndis," said Erk casually, "What brings you here?" She explained that she was traveling by sea alongside Nils and a dragon from Archanea. "Well, since we all know each other now," Matthew muttered, "Why don't you join us?" Erk sighed and took another sip of mead. "I suppose I deserve a little vacation, I'm sure Klein can handle the responsibilities, but I still have to ask my-"

"Oh Erky, where are you?~"

"-wife." On cue, Serra, Erk's wife, ran over to their table. "Erky-pie, there you are! Oh and Lady Lyndis! What brings you here?" She babbled, repeating what Erk asked earlier. They sighed and explained it again. "Erkykins, this is a golden opportunity!" She squealed, "We can go sightseeing in faraway places!" Erk sighed at his wife's hyperactivity and wrote a quick letter and sent it to Klein, explaining that he was taking leave for a while and he is now Count Reglay for the time being.

"I think we're all set." Said Nils, tail still concealed, "The only problem is we're not all that resilient to physical attacks." Erk then made a face which meant 'I know a guy...'.

* * *

 _Later..._

The party of five hiked up a mountain in Ilia, a snowstorm raging all around them. They packed warm clothing for the trip, because history showed that two dictators tried to conquer the frozen wastes, but both succumbed to the bitter cold and thick snow. After a long time of attempting to scale the mountain, even trying to repeatedly jump to reach higher ground, they arrived at the summit, where they promptly collapsed of exhaustion on the doorstep.

Canas was reading a book on magical creatures. The page he was reading was interesting, as it read: "Although this creature looks like a harmless dessert, it is actually quite lethal. Altean explorers reported that it possesed sheer magical power, using coldness to incapacitate its foes and witnessing dragons fleeing upon seeing one. Despite their power, they seem friendly and oblivious to the destruction they cause. Some mages manage to tame a few as companions, which is easier to do in its adolescent state, before it grows a second head. But the Magic Colleges of Khadein, Etruria and Grado have all placed limitations on its power, requiring the owner to place a temperature limiting spell on it."

As he added a bookmark on the page for later research, he heard the sound of five people collapsing at the doorstep all at once. He closed the book and opened the door to investigate. His mother, wife and son were all out buying food, so he was alone. At the door, he found four people he recognized and one in purple he didn't know. He dragged them all in and cast Thunder on all of them, shocking them awake.

They explained for the third time for this chapter about their trip around the world, not neccesarily in 80 days. He decided to join in, as he wanted to know more about foreign magic. After all, he witnessed all the magic of Elibe, having seen Forblaze and Aureola in their full glory, alongside his son giving him Apocalypse as a gift. He wrote a letter addressed to his family and left it on the table. And so, with a crew of six total, they attempted to climb down the mountain until they gave up and just carved some wood into makeshift snowboards.

* * *

By the time they arrived back in the port, it was already dusk of the next day. The whole crew was hungry by then, so they all waited in the mess hall, except for Canas, whose curiosity got the better of him and made him examine the ship's interior, taking notes on almost everything.

In the kitchen, Matthew prepared a large pot and threw ingredients inside while muttering, "Shanks of beef, slices of carrot, chunks of potato, some greens, mix it all in the water..." Then the pot exploded. Just kidding, he just stirred everything and it formed into a delicious smelling soup.

As he brought the soup into the mess hall, Canas came bursting out of the door on the other side of the room, covered in ice and snow. "What happened, Mr. Canas?" Asked Nils. "A creature... very powerful... found it below deck..." He said, panting out of exhaustion from running. Everyone in the room threw skeptic looks at the captain.

"Oh, that's a creature I befriended." Said Matthew nonchalantly as he poured the soup into larger bowls. "Don't worry, it only does that as a harmless gesture of playfulness. But for now, we eat!" With soup in their bowls and rice on their plates, the crew ate in relative silence. Initially, they were confused about the soft part in the middle of the bone, (the bone marrow) but Matthew told them that it was the most delicious part.

And so began what usually happens when people try exotic food: Try different ways to eat it. Canas, being the smart nerd he is, analyzed ths others before his attempt. Erk tried scooping it up with a spoon but the spoon was too small. Lyn tried stabbing it with a fork, only for it to slip and making her efforts in vain. Serra made it fall on her plate, but when she tried to slice it, it just slid across her plate.

Nils got it right on the first try by slurping the whole thing out of the bone. He licked his lips and exclaimed that it was delicious. Everyone saw him do that and they followed his soup was great, with meat, vegetables and even potatoes. Once they were all finished, they told stories of their experiences like how Canas survived a snowstorm by using an Elfire spell and how most of them witnessed how Athos died in front of their very eyes by sacrificing himself to seal the Dragon's Gate from their side.

After a while, they got tired and they all went back to their quarters. Erk and Serra shared a room similar to Lyn and Nils, and Canas took a bunk which he had no one to share with until they get another crew member. They all slept soundly, wondering what will happen on this adventure.

* * *

 **That's it for chapter two, officially the longest chapter I've ever written on this site, clocking in at more than 2000 words. Not very big but it's an improvement for me.**

 **First, let me explain why the characters joined the crew:**

 **Lyn & Nils: They're bored and they want adventure in the great wide somewhere.**

 **Erk: He needs a vacation.**

 **Serra: She wants a vacation.**

 **Canas: Scholarly purposes.**

 **In this chapter, we got a reference to my favorite Pokémon (It's not really that powerful, though.), fixing plot holes and a soup recipe from my country. It's basically a soup in which the ingredients vary from chef to chef, but the main thing is that it contains the part of beef that has the bone marrow, and they let the marrow dissolve a bit into the soup, which makes it taste good.**

 **Also, that part near the end was based on a video I saw once. In which a bunch of people attempted to eat 'balut' (a cooked duck egg with a developing duckling inside) by eating it like a hard-boiled egg. THAT is not how you do it! First, break the egg (which side I forgot) drink the liquid inside, then eat the yolk and the duckling. (The duckling I feed to my kittens.) Proud to be Filipino. :)**

 **Next Chapter: A Skirmish With Pirates, And Honey?**


	3. A Pirate's Life For Me

**Third chapter, woohoo! Again, special thanks to COOKIECHEESEMAN. Also, keep in mind that I try to fix as many plot holes as possible.**

* * *

Act III: A Pirate's Life For Me

Now with a crew of six, the crew spent their morning training, with Erk helping Nils with his magic and Canas practicing with a Fimbulvetr tome. Serra practiced her Divine spell while Lyn shot at targets with a Killer Bow. After a while, the crew took a break, going up to the deck to enjoy the view.

It reminded them of the pirates that brought them to the Dread Isle. And then that reminded them of Denning, the Morph who could only say "This is a message from Lord Nergal, I await you on the Dread Isle. And then that reminded them of Nergal, who was only defeated by the combined efforts of Eliwood, Hector, and Lyndis. And then that reminded them of the Fire Dragon he summoned, and how Canas killed it all by himself.

After being reminded of bad memories, the whole crew went to the edges of the ship, vomiting their breakfast out. Sighing, Matthew grabbed some wooden chairs and tables from below deck and started grilling meat. "People these days..." he muttered as he flipped a piece of chicken.

* * *

The crew was hungry after indirectly causing the deaths of many sea creatures, so they ate as soon as the food was ready. "So what kinds of magic do you know?" Asked Canas as he bit into a piece of beef between two slices of bread alongside some lettuce and mushrooms. Little did he know, he just invented the hamburger.

"Oh, I mostly know Anima spells, some Healing and some Elder." Replied Matthew as he ate a chunk of deep-fried chicken coated in flour. If Canas invented the burger, then he invented the chicken nugget. "However, I don't need a book or a staff to use my spells, I expend my own magical energy. It sure helps me carry less, but I must be careful to wear protective armwear." Canas nodded as they continued their meal. Serra was talking to Erk, who was used to her chatter for twenty years now. Nils ate a rib animalisticaly as Lyn grabbed a chicken leg.

They decided to just hang out on the deck and tell jokes to lighten the mood. They also told more of events in their lives, such as how Kent used to live with Lyn and Nils until he contracted a disease native to Sacae. Unfortunately, since Saceans had natural immunity to it, no one bothered to invent a cure, so the unfortunate red knight succumbed to his death.

* * *

The group of mages (and Lyn) completely missed the fact that another ship had connected to theirs, and that the pirates on the other ship were making their way towards them. "Oh, pegasus dung." Said Matthew, who was at the ship's controls and accidentally pressed a button labelled "Press In Case Of Pirates".

Immediately, most of the deck was replaced by a giant pool full of honey, which everyone got stuck in. "This is your chance to prove your strength!" He yelled to the crew as he slashed his rapier through some honey like a hot knife through butter. He quickly went to the workshop and wore his cone helmet. The fierce aura of the crew dissapated once they saw his ridiculous choice of armor. "What? It looks funny, but it offers great protection!" Everyone just shrugged and positioned themselves.

Canas stayed in one place and constantly casted Nosferatu, which combined with the passive HP regen of the honey (which also drastically reduced movement) to make him effectively invincible. Erk threw a fireball at an enemy mage, which also scorched some honey into a crispy sweet treat. Serra didn't need to heal anyone because of the passive HP regen, so she casted Divine at an enemy Shaman. Lyn prepared a Silver Bow and shot an Adventurer in the knee as Nils threw a Blizzard at an enemy Mercenary.

* * *

As all of this took place, Matthew sneakily flew over to the enemy ship. On the deck, he saw two rooms covered by curtains. _Merchants, probably._ He thought, _And they've got_ _spices?_ , he read the sign on the wall in his mind. As he went in one shop, he was greeted by a shopkeeper with red hair.

"Welcome to Anna's Pirate Bazaar!" Said this particular Anna enthusiastically. She opened a shop on the pirate ship because her boyfriend Jake was working as a Ballistican of their crew.

As time froze outside because the player was currently controlling the unit in the shop, Matthew checked the spice section, which contained five jars of a dark red spice. It was painfully obvious that Anna removed the labels beforehand. "Oh, those are spices from a town of dragons deep in the Nabata desert!" She carefully studied her customer, noticing his wings. "I see you're a dragon yourself, friend. How about you help yourself to this super-hot spice and this super-cold spice?" She said as she held up two jars containing an orange spice and an icy-blue spice.

"I'll take those two, and a jar of that dark red stuff. What else do you have?" As he asked that, Anna spoke a line often said by merchants somewhere else in the multiverse. "Some may call this junk. Me, I call them treasures."

Again, time froze. But this time, in the shop itself, as Matthew checked the merchant's inventory. He settled on the three jars full of spices, four dozen eggs, and some extra spellbooks. All in all, it cost 5000 gold coins, but since he had a Silver Card in his inventory, he only paid 2500 gold.

* * *

Once he exited the shop, time unfroze and everyone started fighting again. Lyndis and Nils were cornered in a corner. (Duh) As the pirates closed in on the two, Nils let out a howl as he transformed before their very eyes. Where a little boy was standing a few moments ago now stood a large dragon. An Ice Dragon, to be exact. It had a long reptilian neck with an equally reptilian face. It's body was slender and majestic, and a long tail swished behind it.

"By the gods, a dragon!"

"There's no way I'm fighting that thing!"

"[BLEEP] this [BLEEP], I'm going home!" Everyone paused their panic to slap the guy who said that for swearing.

As Nils blew frost everywhere, Matthew attempted to stop the chaos. "EVERYONE STOP!" He yelled as he used a spell to get their attention. A chill wind heralded the arrival of a roiling cloud of chocolate sauce overhead. A chill wind also dealt 5 damage to all of the opposition. And then a torrent of tabasco sauce fell from the cloud, drenching the opponents and dealing 5 damage.

While everyone was mesmerized by the mysterious sauce magic they just witnessed, Matthew held a temporary truce as Canas figured out the controls to deactivate the honey pool and purify its contents. Lyn attempted to calm Nils down as Erk tried to sew the dragon boy's clothing back together, because it was ripped during his transformation. Serra went around healing everyone with her staff.

* * *

Meanwhile, Matthew sat at the negotiations table with the Pirate Captain Fargus. "Sorry 'bout the mess, I didn't know of this attack." He apologized as he took a sip of rum. "We were hired by King Joshua of Jehanna to loot any unidentified vessels that approach Magvel. We didn't know that there were good people on board." As Fargus recounted the tale of how his crew was originally from Elibe and how they drifted so far east that they arrived in Magvel, he also told Matthew of how he helped transport Eliwood, Hector, Lyn and their army to and from the Dread Isle.

"So anyway, to make up for it, I'll send two of my crew members with you. And also twenty bottles of booze. Those lads sure love their rum." And so, Matthew returned to his ship with Wil and Dart, each holdng some bottles of beverages unsuitable for minors while Matthew was internally debating if Nils was considered a minor or not.

* * *

The pirate ship detached itself as they said their farewells. Erk exchanged a greeting with Dart as Lyndis pulled Wil into a tight hug. Nils, who had calmed down by now, sat in the corner wearing nothing but a robe he borrowed from Canas. As he watched the scene before him unfold before his very eyes, he felt a pang in his heart as he clutched his dragonstone close to his chest. He loved Lady Lyndis with all his heart, but he was far younger in appearance than her.

Dinner was boring, and Wil told stories of combat he had experienced with the pirates. Everyone was laughing as they each took a shot of rum every time he mentioned someone missing their attacks in hilarious fashion. Nils did not participate in the drinking game, and as he poked his steak, he felt it lacked flavor. So he grabbed a jar of dark red stuff from the kitchen and sprinkled all of it on the steak. (Hey, it was a large steak. Plus there were some mashed potatoes too.)

Wil and Dart were assigned a bunk bed while everyone was slurring around drunkenly. Matthew took part in the drinking, but instead of rum, he drank milk. "I AM MERRIC, THE MASTER OF WINDS!" Bellowed Erk hazily as he blew his breath on a wall, ignoring the foreign Arcwind tome placed in his hand.

"OH YEAH, THEN I'M JEORGE, ARCHANEA'S FINEST SNIPER!" Replied Wil as he took a potshot at Dart who thought he was Darros the Pirate from Talys. Serra was lucky enough she had a staff to remove status effects, but it had two uses left so she used it on herself and Lyn. Canas was running around thinking he was Etzel the Sorceror. Matthew sighed as he dragged three drunken men to their rooms as Serra pulled her husband to their room. Lyn just sighed as she laid down on her bed to sleep. Nils was already snoozing by the time she opened the door to their room.

* * *

After night had passed, Nils woke up before everyone else. He had a weird dream involving Lady Lyndis. As he glanced down the bed, he noticed something and quickly fled to the washrooms. After a while, each of the men woke up and they got serious hangovers. Serra attempted to cure Erk while Lyn was frantically searching for Nils. Thus, everyone ignored Matthew's announcement that they have docked in Grado.

* * *

 **Well that took a long time to finish. A skirmish with pirates, based on an experience I had while playing Terraria. Some drunken shenanigans, and a certain item from AGOH. I tried again to fix more plot holes, and we finally arrived in Magvel. Also a dash of technical humor. This fic runs on video game logic, and we made a few references to Skyrim, Beauty and the Beast, Kingdom of Loathing and Bill Wurtz.**

 **Special Thanks to COOKIECHEESEMAN, who promoted this fic on his new chapter of AGOH. Speaking of which, a certain character from AGOH will join the crew after a few chapters. Here's a hint: He's on the cover.**

 **Next chapter: Exploring Magvel!**


	4. Nils's Defense Rose!

**Here's chapter 4. In which Nils gets really awkward and Lyn just makes it worse.**

* * *

Act IV: Nils's Defense Rose!

Lyn sensed Nils in the washrooms, as the surrounding air became cold. She opened the door, which revealed Nils facing the wall. "Nils, there you are! I've been looking all over for you!" She said as she rested her hand on his shoulder.

"...Lady Lyndis?" Nils turned around, which gave her a full view of his 'problem', which will not be explicitly stated here due to censorship.

"WHAT IN HANON'S NAME IS THAT?!" Lyn gasped in shock. Both of them were blushing deeply.

"I don't know what happened! I woke up like this!" Cried Nils, as he sat on the covered toilet, sobbing his heart out. Lyn calmed him down and went to the captain for help. She whispered it into his ear, which made his eyes widen.

"Let's ask the locals. Maybe someone sells a muscle-calming salve. Canas, I leave you in charge, and feel free to experiment in my lab." Canas nodded and headed off to the lab to further his research. Meanwhile, Erk, Wil, and Dart were eating bread with eggs as Serra nagged at all three of them about the events of last night.

"How did you put up with this for ten years?" Asked a bewildered Wil to Erk. He just shrugged in reply and took a sip of milk.

* * *

The locals told them that the nearby Anna had a soothing spice in stock, but everyone forgot where her shop was. Luckily, Matthew had a Member Card on hand, and the two of them shuffled around every single tile on the town's map, trading the Card back and forth and holding it to the ground to see if it could detect an Anna's shop. Finally, they found it after spending 50 turns, in a narrow alley between pot stores which sold two vastly different types of pot.

One of the oldest tricks in the tactical books was holding a Silver Card as well when shopping at Anna's, because their goods are expensive. After bargaining the price, they managed to buy it at 500 gold. It was a good price, considering that it was twice the size as the spice jars Matthew bought from the Anna on the pirate ship.

They bought a few materials and food in the town's market, and Matthew made sure to buy crops that were only found in Magvel, as they would fetch a high price on the other distant continents. And everyone got so tired of the third person narration that they voted for the story to switch to their perspectives.

* * *

 **Nils**

Oh great, my Defense rose so high that it can't go any higher. I have a feeling it was that dark red stuff I put on my steak last night.

'Lady Lyndis, Lady Lyndis, Lady Lyndis...' Why am I always thinking of her? Her dark green hair, her beautiful face, her long le- No, bad Nils! I can't think of her like that! I shook those thoughts from my head and closed my eyes. I feel her, I see her, the sun caught in her grassy hair is blazing in me out of all control...

I should focus on something else. Crud. I can't. I can only think of her!

* * *

 **Canas**

This lab has everything! I found a guide on transmutating metals into gold, which was unexpected. Only a few mages bother with alchemy, but I've learned to appreciate the art. The guide stated that the amount of gold produced depends on the base metal. Having used equal amounts of iron and lead, the results led to the iron turning into a small chunk of gold, while the lead-based one was bigger than it.

I took down some notes and decided to continue later with other metals like tin and silver. Hopefully Matthew and Lady Lyn returned from their excursion, my arms and legs still feel a bit stiff from what happened last night.

* * *

 **Matthew**

I immedeatly headed to the kitchen and prepared a whole pig to roast. As I rotated it on the spit, I sprinkled the soothing spice I bought from Anna. Erk came to me a while ago complaining about stiff limbs, and I'm sure the others feel it too. I hope to Naga that it works.

After the pig was fully roasted, I doused the fire and prepared a drink I made from a plant called sarsaparilla. To make sure it was cold, I blew my cold breath on the pitcher, making it ice cold. Hey, having dragon powers is useful.

I carried the roasted pig to the dining hall and prepared the drinks for everyone. I also prepared a soup of noodles made with beef broth. I sprinkled the soothing spice on it and gave a bowl of the noodles to Lyn along with two forks. The plan was for her to visit Nils and feed him the noodles while eating some of it too.

Knowing how to get people together is part of a tactician's job. Those two are really a matching pair. A boy from the cold wastes and a woman from the warm plains. I guess opposites attract after all.

* * *

 **Lyn**

After obtaining the noodles from the captain, I headed to the bedroom I shared with Nils, where he retreated after I found him in the washrooms. "Nils, open up. It's me." I called while knocking on the door. The door opened and Nils sat up on the bed, his 'problem' in full view. "Here, eat this." I gave him the noodles and one of the forks and he began to eat.

"It's good... Calming, actually." He said. After eating some more, he was cured of his ailment. He gestured for me to have some so I picked up the other fork and ate some. The spice that was added did well to calm my muscles and my nerves. I got some more and somehow, we got the same noodle and our lips met. In a surprising move, he actually responded by kissing back. I returned it and we stayed like that for a while.

I heard the door open. Crud.

* * *

 **Wil**

"Lady Lyndis?" I said, dumbstruck at the scene before me. She was kissing Nils! It was bit awkward because she was taller than him and she had to lean down. I cleared my throat and both of them noticed my presence by breaking away from their passionate kiss. I tried to keep a straight face while the two of them blushed so hard, Erk's cloak looked green in comparison. "The captain requests your presence at lunch."

"Right," They said in unison as they headed towards the dining hall. Lyn pulled me by my shirt and held the Sol Katti up to my neck. "Let us never speak of this again." She said with a murderous glint in her eyes. I let out a squeak. She freed me from her grasp and returned to her usual demeanor.

* * *

 **Matthew**

Lunch went well without any incident. Nils was cured of his problem, and for some reason he was blushing alongside Lyn.

"Hey captain, what be this drink?" Dart asked me, holding up the brown drink I had prepared earlier.

"That's a drink I made from the root of a plant. I call it root beer." Erk looked like he was about to hurl. "Don't worry, it has no alcohol. I just called it beer because calling it tea or juice would sound stupid."

Everyone seemed bored, so I had the idea of passing to them a legend known among the peoples of Archanea. "Do you know why Archanea has so many different creatures? The story goes like this:"

* * *

 _Millennia before..._

 _Naga flew all over the continent of Archanea, admiring the wildlife, and the civilized beings like dragons and humans. She felt that something was missing. Animals were boring, and their only purpose was for food or pets. She wanted creatures that were more than that, but not on the same level as humans and dragons. Her brain lit up, and she had an idea. She warped away to visit another realm._

 _In another realm, a divine being which looked like a white llama stuck through a golden fence was observing the world he created through his glass floor. Just then, Naga warped into the hall. "ARCEUS!" She yelled._

 _"Oh, Naga. I haven't seen you ever since the cross-realm divine meeting." He replied, shuddering at the memory of a three-way prank war instigated by Din, Nayru and Farore. "What brings you to my domain?"_

 _"Well my realm's creatures seem kinda boring, can you give me some of your creations?" She pleaded to Arceus the llama-god._

 _"No."_

 _"Please?"_

 _"No."_

 _"Please?"_

 _"No."_

 _"Please?"_

 _"Okay."_

 _She warped back to her realm while Arceus teleported to get there. "Here's a good one." Arceus created a big fat bear/cat thing. "What is that thing?" Naga asked him. "This is a Snorlax. Quite resistant to attack, lives in the mountains, eats a lot of food, sleeps a lot, too. Despite that, it's a decent fighter. Be careful, though. Some have been known to sleep on roads in human cities."_

 _Naga nodded and the llama-god created three more creatures. One looked like a tiny dessert. The second looked like a dessert too, but a bit bigger and a different shape. The third one was similar to the second one, but it had two heads. "These are Vanillite, Vanillish, and Vanilluxe. Adolescent Vanillites become Vanillish, and mature Vanillish become Vanilluxe."_

 _"They seem pretty weak and pathetic." She observed. Arceus gave her a glare. "They might look worthless, but they can be extremely potent. All of my creations with an affinity of ice are the bane of dragons." Naga gasped. "But that's not all, their magical power is outstanding, and their ability to manipulate the weather and temperature is on par with the gods I created to make land and sea!"_

 _"What were you thinking when you created them?!" She asked him worriedly. He looked to his side. "I think it was the day that the humans invented beer..." After creating two hundred different creatures for Naga, Arceus bid her farewell and departed._

* * *

"Do you expect us to believe that story?" Erk questioned me.

"Hey this stuff is too weird for me to make up." I replied and sighed. "I'm a bit tired, let's just stay on the ship for today." The whole crew nodded in agreement.

* * *

 **I think I went overboard with the Pokémon references... But hey, at least there are Disney references!**

 **Sorry that this chapter was short. It's just Nils solving his problem and a shift from third person to first person.**

 **Also, Nils and Lyn kissed! YAAAAAAAAY!**


	5. The Gathering

**So Cookie updated AGOH. Well, change of plans! Ladies and mentlegen, it is time to go back to Elibe!**

 **Disclaimer: If I owned Fire Emblem, Roy and Idoun would be an option.**

* * *

Act V: The Gathering

I, the narrator, have returned! "Shut up." Matthew muttered. No, you shut up. "I-" He was about to say something, but I ain't having it. So anyway, the crew decided to relax for a day, Erk and Serra were bickering, Nils and Lyn were sitting together, pondering on their relationship, and Wil was singing pirate songs alongside Dart.

Now, two people were not accounted for, because they were messing around in the lab. Canas managed to brew a potion which enhanced a person's magic ability, and Matthew was fiddling around a portal-looking object.

"What's that?" Canas asked the captain. The captain, who could now speak, muttered, "I'm trying to create a portal which could let us travel across different realms, or even time periods."

Suddenly, a horn went off, and it seemed to be coming from outside. The dragon boy went up the stairs to investigate. Three men were positioned at the docks, looking upwards toward the deck. One was an elderly knight with red armor. Another was a man in a dark hooded robe. The third was a guy in his forties with teal hair and a lance at his side. The rest of the crew gathered on deck too.

"You there!" The guy in red called towards the crew. "State your intentions so you may pass!"

"Under whose authority?" Countered Wil.

The teal haired man held up a crest. "The King of Renais, alongside the Governor and Court Mage of Grado! Send your captain down so we may speak to him!"

Everyone looked at each other, then Dart picked up Matthew and tossed him overboard. (He was strong enough.) The dragonkin glided down harmlessly using his wings. The three authority figures were dumbfounded.

"You're... a Dragon!" Ephraim said, trying to pick up his jaw from the ground. The captain furrowed his brow. "I suppose you would grant passage to beings like me? We have a half-dragon on board too."

As if on cue, Nils blew his frost breath above them, which crystallized into snow. The king shook his head. "Of course! I'll have you know, my wife is a dragon too. Now, why are you here?"

"Well, me and my crew came from Elibe, and we travel across the world."

"Elibe, you say? I've been wanting an alliance with them, maybe you can help. Gather your crew and meet us at the inn later; we have a lot to discuss." Then they left the area, leaving a very confused dragon hybrid. "What just happened?"

* * *

The crew arrived at the designated room inside the inn. Representatives from all of Magvel had already gathered. King Innes of Frelia was downing a glass of fine wine, Ephraim was conversing with his dragon wife Myrrh, King Joshua was having a game of cards with his wife Marisa and Court Mage Knoll of Grado, L'Arachel was babbling about something, and Duessel was bored out of his mind.

Ephraim noticed their arrival. "Ah, here they are now. Fellows, I'd like you all to meet... Uh, what's your name again?"

"Matthew."

"Oh yes, I've heard about you." Joshua piped up, "My sailors ran into you people. They say that little kid over there became a dragon!"

"Really?" Myrrh asked. "Where are you from?"

"Well, I'm from the continent of Archanea," The captain replied, "But the rest of my crew is from Elibe. Erk and Serra are from Etruia, Lyn is from Sacae and Nils lives with her, Wil and Dart are from Lycia, and Canas is from Ilia."

Ephraim turned towards the gathered leaders. "So what do you think? Can they do the job?" There were some murmurs and they nodded. "Very well. I'll hav-" He was interrupted however, by Nils screaming, "I'M HAVING A VISION!"

Innes flinched and was startled. Lyn spoke up. "Um, Nils here can sometimes see the future. What do you see, Nils?"

"I see... just a month from now... a red haired boy with blue eyes. He looks like Eliwood, but a bit of Ninian too. Hey, I think that's Roy!" Ephraim's eyes widened at the name. Roy was the name of one of his son's friends, and the description matched perfectly.

"What else?" Canas asked curiously.

"A purple haired woman, one eye green, and the other purple, and she is holding Roy's hand as they walk down an aisle." Nils breathed, "Oh, and a boy with teal and indigo hair, he has wings, and he's walking down the aisle with a pink haired woman." Ephraim's jaw dropped all the way down to Formortiis's lair. That description sounded like his son and his son's lover. Nils continued his vision. "That's not all, there's also a priest, with long blonde hair, he kinda looks like a woman- Hey, it's Lucius!"

The Elibe crew rolled their eyes.

"The two couples are standing in front of him, and he's reciting something from a book. Everyone around them is in formal clothes and- That's all I can see." Then Nils collapsed and slumped into a seat, Lyn watching over him.

Ephraim, on the other hand, was very, very startled. He turned to his wife. "Myrrh, do you know what this means? Our son is getting married!" Then the entire table broke out into cheers. Although the rest of the continent did not know of the Prince of Renais, all of the leaders kept it a well-guarded secret for their friend.

"Wait, who's your son?" Matthew asked, extremely confused.

"Well, my son is named Tarif, and he inherited his mother's wings, so we kept him a secret from the populace, for they don't really accept the dragon blood that has so-called 'tainted' the royal bloodline." Ephraim replied, using air quotes for the word 'tainted'. Hey, I'm doing it too!

"Shut up, narrator." Matthew muttered. Everyone stared at him and cricket noises filled the air. He facepalmed. "Look up there." He said, pointing upwards to the previous paragraph.

"Oh..." Everyone said, and the room was filled with silence once more.

Ephraim cleared his throat. "Well, I have a decision to make. Tell my beloved sister Eirika that she's in charge for a while. The rest of the royal family shall be departing for Elibe." The entire room groaned.

"Ephraim, I'd suggest bringing along some companions for your own protection." Tana told the King of Renais, "Just in case you get attacked."

"Fine." Luckily, he had just the right people in mind.

* * *

Deep in the forest of Renais, there was a village for some reason. It had two inhabitants who were veterans of a war, and they were a married couple. First was the powerful mage known as Lute. Ten years ago, she decided to wear shades because it made her look cool. The other one was a priest by the name of Artur. Now a week before the present, Artur had an encounter with a giant spider known as an Elder Bael. It poisoned him with some sort of venom that didn't hurt him. There were no visible side effects, but lately, he was having a strange craving for locusts.

A knock on the door called his attention. He opened it, and revealed the middle-aged King of his country alongside the draconic royal family.

"Hey, Artur." Ephraim said casually, "Do you and your wife want to go on a small vacation?"

* * *

 **In the words of the late Admiral Ackbar, "It's a wrap!" R.I.P. Admiral Ackbar.**

 **My original plan was not to include Artur and xXL00TXx, but after seeing Mangs's FE8 PME and reading a fanfic based on it, I decided to include them in the story. Oh, and Artur's feeling strange. If you know the FE8 PME, you'll know what he becomes!**

 **Sorry, this was a bit short, but I think I got it correctly. Oh well.**


	6. An Unexpected Journey

**Hello, and welcome to chapter 6! I've been spending my time improving my writing, working on two other stories to test my skills. I'm sure nobody (except Cookie) will read this, but in the words of Nino (whom I never use, because I don't like Ests): I'll do my best!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Fiaa Emburem, which I have referenced in my other (read: main) story. AGOH belongs to the esteemed COOKIECHEESEMAN.**

* * *

Chapter VI: An Unexpected Journey

The group met at the port, ready for the journey. Ephraim and Myrrh brought along Forde, Kyle, Artur, and xXL00tXx, I mean, Lute. After the war 20 years ago, Forde went back to New York. Oh wait, wrong story. Forde actually studied the art of alchemy, because someone told him the world was gonna roll him. Darn it, got it wrong again. *sigh* It was because someone remarked that he looked like an alchemist.

"Seriously though, you look like an alchemist." Kyle told Forde as they rode their horses towards the ship. Forde sighed. "I'm already one! You're not making this easy, Kyle."

Meanwhile, Ephraim found the captain staring off into the horizon while holding a piece of parchment and a stick of some charcoal-like material strapped to a piece of wood with some rubber on the other end. "Hey Matthew, what are you looking at?"

The dragon dude snapped out of his trance. "Oh, I was thinking, what if there are actually an infinite number of realms, and there are many different versions of us, and in some continuities we don't exist at all?"

"That sounds stupid to me." The King of Renais replied. "Anyway, here's a list of the royal guard that will be accompanying me and my wife on this voyage." He showed a list of the people mentioned earlier. The captain nodded and wrote it on his parchment using the thing in his right hand. "What's that you're writing with?"

"Oh, this is an invention of mine. By mixing a certain type of rock with clay, and strapping it to wood, I can write stuff and erase it using rubber." Matthew replied with a glint in his eyes. "I call this the pencil. They may say the pen is mightier than the sword, but I say the pencil is mightier than the pen! Although I guess the sword beats the pencil, by slicing it to pieces. Hey, we gotta keep the weapon triangle balanced!"

Ephraim rolled his eyes and went away to speak with Myrrh.

* * *

The crew was gathered all in a room as the captain spread out a map of the known world on a grid. In the middle left was Magvel, which was separated from Elibe by a vast ocean, with Elibe being on the eastern part of the world. Archanea and Valentia were located between them, with Jugdral south of those two.

"Okay, so here's the plan. I calculated the ocean to be 50 spaces long." Matthew started, and drew a line from the port to Pherae using his pencil. "This ship moves 10 spaces per turn, so we should be there in 5 turns. That is, if we take a straight route with no detours." Ephraim raised his hand. "Look, I know a lot about military tactics, so isn't one turn equivalent to an hour?"

"Actually, not on this scale. Here, each turn is equal to a day, so we will take at minimum 5 days to reach our destination."

"Oh okay."

"I've prepared at least a week's worth of rations for the voyage." The captain stated, "Assuming all goes well, and we can harvest some crops from the small farm below deck, we'll have enough food to go around."

"Here are your sleeping arrangements: King Ephraim, you and your wife Myrrh get a regular bed, so do Fr. Artur and his wife Lute. Sir Forde and Sir Kyle get a bunk bed."

"I call on the top bunk!" Forde called out. Kyle resigned himself to the lower bunk.

"Wait," Nils raised his hand, "If it takes five days to sail across the ocean, how did we get here so fast?"

"The author bent the laws of the universe to expand the story." Lyn replied. Nils nodded. "That explains a lot."

"Attention to all passengers, we are setting sail!" The captain called out. Everyone then scurried below deck.

* * *

 **Alchemy Lab**

In the lab, Forde and Canas were experimenting with the four classical elements. Why? Because alchemy! "Water!" Forde poured the contents of a bucket of water into a cauldron.

"Earth!" Canas dumped some dirt and rocks into the same cauldron.

"Fire!" Forde brought in Erk, and he cast an Elfire spell into the mixture.

"Air!" Erk then cast an Arcwind spell and it mixed with the contents of the pot.

"Using this mixture, we shall create the fabled fifth element!" Canas proclaimed and stirred the cauldron. The mixture bubbled violently, then a ray of light shot out, knocking back the three of them.

"Is that..." Forde stared into the pot. Erk's eyes widened. "It can't be!"

The light faded, leaving behind... a cheese wheel sitting inside the pot. "No way!" Canas said in disbelief, "The fifth element is... cheese?"

"CHEESE FOR EVERYONE!" stated a random madman who then disappeared after saying that.

"Okay, this is just ridiculous." Erk observed. Forde and Canas silently agreed.

* * *

"Lady Lyndis, I have a confession to make." Nils said. Lyn was sitting beside him. "What is it, Nils?"

"I... never mind." Nils shook his head and went off to train. Maybe Wil could help his dodging ability.

"Hey Lyn, have you seen my Erky?" Serra asked. Lyn shrugged. "No, maybe he's in the lab." She began thinking about what Nils was about to say. _'Probably nothing.'_

* * *

Meanwhile, outside the ship, Dart was using his innate 'standing/floating on water' ability as a Pirate/Berserker and was currently patrolling the surrounding sea for other Pirates that might attack the vessel. Lute had her shades on and was currently observing him and how he managed to stay above the water.

Me, I think pirate boots are either enchanted, or have some surface tension trick to them. "Fascinating theorems you got there, insane author." Lute commented. You know what, Lute? I'm gonna check on Artur.

Oh wait, he's barfing his lunch out into the sea. Good thing Dart was on the other side of the ship. Artur began to pray to every single deity and saint he could think of to cure his sickness. Saint Latona, Saint Elimine, Roland, Durban, Barigan, Hartmut, Hanon, Athos, Bramimond, Anankos, Forseti, Salamander, Mila, Duma, Naga... Arceus? Whoever that was, he was only mentioned in some apocryphal texts from Archanea, and from what he had gathered, was from another realm and took the form of a white llama stuck through a golden fence.

Hey, if the description ain't broke, don't fix it.

Anyway, back to Artur. He turned into a giant spider. Oh, and Ephraim arrived just in time to see the transformation. "What the f-" But before the king could say the dreaded F-word, he was trapped in a web of spider silk.

"Dad, what's going on?" Princess Fayette of Renais (whom the author forgot existed up until this moment) came up to the deck and saw Artur the spider. "Eek! It's a giant spider!" She jumped into the air and somehow stumbled back down below deck. Meanwhile, Ephraim broke free using Siegmund and threw the sacred lance at the spider. It immediately reverted back into Artur.

"What just happened?" The monk asked, before quickly realizing that he wasn't wearing anything. Lute observed her husband's physique and noticed his eyes were a venomous green. "You somehow transformed into a Bael, but it seems that a sacred weapon would make you revert back to normal."

"We'll have to look into that later." Artur replied, then grabbed a spare barrel to cover himself. "But first, I'll need to retrieve some clothes."

* * *

Meanwhile, Captain Matthew was reading a book titled _Morphs: An Analysis_ by Reverend Renault of the Eliminian Church. Reading about these constructs of magic was fascinating, and for some reason, a few names were thrown around such as Lyn, Nils, Eliwood, Ninian, Canas, and many more.

Suddenly, Artur and Lute entered the library. "Do you have any books on monsters?" Artur asked. The captain pointed towards the biology section, then went back to his book.

"Let's see here... _Pokémon: Otherworldly Creatures_ , _Birds of the World_ , _Plants Versus Revenants_ , _Ultra Beasts and Where to Find Them_ , aha! _The Monster Index of Indexed Monsters_!" Lute found the book they were looking for and placed it down on a table. The couple began searching the pages for anything involving humans becoming Baels.

* * *

It was night time, and they had no successful leads on the topic. They decided that was enough research for the day and went to eat dinner. Due to the sudden increase in passengers, all of the humans sat at one table while the dragons had their own.

"Why do we have are own table, anyway?" Nils asked the captain. He shrugged in reply. "I wanted to make a joke about the Dragon's Table. It's somewhere in Archanea. Look it up. You know what, let's just combine the tables." So the two tables merged into one large table, and because it was a round table, Forde and Kyle got up and did a song and dance number about being Knights of the Round Table.

"What do you guys know about Prince Roy?" Ephraim asked the Elibian crew when it was over. Canas grabbed a book labelled _The Dragon War:_ _A Military Log Compiled by_ _Hugh of Ilia_. "This is a military memoir compiled by my son. You see, he was in Roy's army during the war. Now, our story begins..."

 **2 and a half hours later...**

"...and so, restraining himself, Roy pierced the Demon Dragon Idoun with his Binding Blade." Canas finished with a summary of the final chapter. However, by the time he had finished the story, everyone was snoozing except for Ephraim, Myrrh, Nils, and Lute. The King of Renais laughed at the final sentence. "Pray tell, did Roy pierce her with his Binding Blade just as I pierced my wife Myrrh with my Siegmund?"

"Ephraim!" Myrrh scolded her husband for that joke. He just chuckled in reply. "Just kidding!"

"Hey, can we go to sleep now so that we'll reach day 2 of our journey and the author can go back to doing his main story?" Matthew requested. Everyone agreed and went to their rooms to sleep.

* * *

 **Day 2, Squares Moved: 10, Squares Remaining: 40**

Nils was reading from a scroll. "The author sincerely apologizes for not coming up with anything for this segment." Then he went back to sleep, muttering something incoherent.

* * *

 **Another substandard, terrible chapter! *sigh* I gotta learn how to write properly in third person view. Oh well. Better luck next time!**

 **This is Vanillite the Dragonslayer, signing off.**


	7. Ballistae and Boats

**Chapter 7, here we go! Remember, everyone lives on the same planet, but since no one else had the tech to survive the harsh oceans, they thought that the other continents were other worlds. Plus, portals are a thing, so shortcuts, I guess.**

 **Also, ballistae are implied to have engines in the Archanean games. The Japanese narration of Shadow Dragon Chapter 13 states that "metal boxes started making noise" which could only mean motor engines. Plus, in Kris and Beck's support in FE12, Beck specifically mentions that the ballista fruit thingy was used as fuel for the ballistae, but the fruit went extinct in Archanea after the events of Shadow Dragon.**

* * *

Act VII: Ballistae and Boats

 **Day 2, 9 AM, Squares Moved: ~14, Squares Remaining: ~36**

The ship had a compartment for ballistae for some reason, so King Ephraim decided to bring one along in case it was needed. At the moment, he was showing it to Captain Matthew, who examined the machinery. "Hmm, this seems on par with Archanean standards, although four wheels give it more mobility than the two-wheeled Archanean model. Tell me, King Ephraim, how does this machine move?"

The aged king thought for a while, then responded. "Well, there's a compartment for fueling the machine, a box that could hold at least 50 liters of fluid. Using a strange contraption, the oil of a certain fruit is stored in the container and is pumped into a device called the engine. It allows the machine to move with some input from the ballistician, who propels it forward using the energy from the engine."

"I'm sure that fruit will fetch a pretty price in Archanea, as the fruit had gone extinct there" Matthew mused, "So how is it fired?"

"There's a special lever that could be moved in any direction which is used to control the position of the projectile, then another lever is used to launch the payload. Why do you ask?"

"So it seems to be compatible with Archanea-series ammunition..." The boy mused, "Hold on, I'll be back." The captain then rushed to his lab where Canas and Forde were working on some sort of potion with Erk as their poor test subject. Matthew went to his prototype portal and inscribed some numbers and letters onto a nearby clay tablet magically connected to the whole thing. He focused his magical energy and the portal fizzed to life. If he input the correct combination, he'd end up in the nation of Macedon in Archanea, at the only armory to ever stock ballista ammunition in the entire Outrealms. Seriously. He shrugged and jumped in, hoping that his calculations were correct.

* * *

To make a long story short, his calculations were off.

WAY off.

In fact, he didn't arrive in Archanea, he didn't even arrive in another world. Instead, he somehow ended up in another CONTINUITY, in an extremely bizarre version of Magvel.

"Whoa, where am I?" Matthew asked himself. Just then, a coalition of soldiers passed by.

"Is this the place, sister?" A seemingly younger version of Ephraim asked a seemingly younger version of Lyn.

"I'm not sure, Gary Stu, let's ask Wolt." She turned to a boy who was riding a ballista. "Wolt, dear, is this the right way?"

"Of course, milady. You seem tired though, Princess. Would you like to ride with me?" He asked as he gave Lyn a wink and offered his hand. Lyn took it and sat in the spare seat of the siege engine, giving Wolt a small peck on the cheek.

Matthew turned to the rest of the weird crew. There was King Joshua's wife Marisa, although she was wearing dancer's attire, and conversing with some dark-haired young man wearing a white suit with a necktie. A red-haired woman with braided hair was next to them, wearing what were supposed to be Marisa's regular clothes.

Then there came some loud bickering, coming from a blonde woman on a horse with a dagger strapped to her side, and a guy wearing blue wielding a blade that was somehow leaking ink.

"Percy, let's face it, you're such an idiot!" The blonde woman nagged. The guy named Percy just rolled his eyes. "Annabeth, I'm not an idiot! If anyone's an idiot, that Kyle dude over there is."

"Hey!" Protested Kyle, who was wearing orange armor for some reason. He was next to an alternate version of Governor Duessel, who had dark green armor and was chugging down some black fluid from a red container.

"Roy, please do not imitate General Diesel." This time, a younger version of Eliwood was scolding his son, who just finished a similar container and just burped in reply, accidentally burning his father's hair.

Canas was part of their group too, discussing magic with a more powerful version of Lute. Artur was nearby, equipped with the gear of a Hero, and a hooded blonde bishop was nearby, but she was gleefully casting a Nosferatu spell on some brown-haired muscular guy with an awesome mustache and an axe. There was also a man in a blue longcoat riding a wyvern, singing something about not throwing away his shot as he swiftly tossed his spear four times in one turn, and three women on pegasi (one of them looked awfully similar to Princess Tana of Frelia) calling themselves "Angelica", "Eliza", "And Peggy". Seriously, the third one was literally named "And Peggy". There was also a horse-mounted version of Erk wearing brown clothes and stealing from his fellows, with a bow-wielding Serra close by. Somehow, the fabled Altean armor knight Draug was also there, choking points even though there were no points to choke.

There was also a small boy with red hair and tomes of each type of magic, and he was calling out to someone behind him. "Teacher, hurry up!" The aforementioned person was the one who surprised Matthew the most.

It was an alternate version of him, with a silver bow strapped to his back and no draconic features whatsoever, and a special spell tome which emanated cold energy so powerful that he felt it.

Matthew, as in the one who's in this story, decided to look around if there were any unique weapons in this strange world. To his surprise, there were ballistae of both Archanea-series (the Arrowspate and Hoistflamme) and unknown origin (ballistae which shot magic fire, sleet and frost, quick lightning, and even armor-piercing axes), and the fabled Pugi axe of Jugdral, which was sold in shops as a common weapon for only 600 gold.

He made sure to buy at least ten of each unique ballista, five of each Archanea-series ballista, and around twelve copies of the Pugi. Since he was the main character of his ship, the convoy was with him, so he stored it in the 200-slot storage, which was the Archanean standard, compared to the Elibian and Magvel standards, which only had 100 slots. He also bought some strange blades which were really heavy, but somehow could shoot arrows at range.

After around three days of constructing a jury-rigged portal, he transported himself back to his ship.

* * *

 **Day 5, 9 PM, Squares Moved: ~46, Squares Remaining: ~4**

"Guys, I'm back!" The captain announced as he stepped out of the portal. Erk, who was on watch duty in case he returned, let out a sigh of relief. "Captain, where have you been? You were missing for at least three days!"

"It's a long story, Erk. Please announce a crew meeting tomorrow before we weigh anchor in Pherae." He replied. Erk nodded and went off to announce it to everyone, who all somehow heard it in their sleep.

* * *

 **Day 6, 5:30 AM, Journey Complete**

"Now, you may all be wondering, why did I call this meeting?" Matthew started, and since he was kinda short, he had to stand on a crate so everyone could see him. "I tested my portal, and I tell you, I've seen some weird stuff. Very weird stuff." He then started pointing to Lyn. "You were there, with some guy named Wolt."  
Then he pointed to King Ephraim. "You were there, and Lyn referred to you as Gary Stu." The king of Renais looked outraged at this revelation.  
Next, the dragon boy pointed to Erk and Serra. "You were there, Erk, and you were stealing everyone's stuff while Serra had a bow for some reason." Erk had a look of denial on his face while everyone visibly shuddered at the thought of Serra using a bow. "Oh, and Kyle wore orange armor for some reason. Eliwood and Roy were somehow there too. Lute seemed more powerful, and Artur was a Hero instead of a clergyman for some reason."

"On a completely unrelated note, I managed to stock up on some ballista ammunition. Wil, may you do the honors of testing out the weird ones I bought?" Wil perked up immediately. He loved riding ballistae, as nothing else could emulate that feeling of riding a fully automated vehicle with siege weapons attached. Or at least, not yet. "Sure thing, sir!"

"Alright then," The captain replied, "Let's move out!" As soon as they got down from the ship, the villagers in Pherae started panicking. "The dragon's come back to kill us all!" They screamed, and ran around like headless chickens. Thankfully, Eliwood happened to pass by and notice the group. "Oh, who are you, good sir?" He asked Ephraim.

"I am Ephraim, King of Renais, from the faraway continent of Magvel." Gary Stu- I mean, Ephraim replied. "I wish to establish an alliance between you Elibians and us Magvelians. Oh, and that kid named Nils over there had a vision that my son was getting married."

"Don't forget that Roy's getting married too!" Nils shouted from the sidelines. Eliwood blinked. "What? Never mind. Let us discuss the alliance first, shall we?" And so the King of Renais and Marquess of Pherae went off to the castle, skipping arm-in-arm like two schoolkids as everyone else just shrugged at the strange sight before them. "So your wife's a dragon too? Let's discuss our 'dragon-fighting techniques', shall we?" Lyn, Nils, and Myrrh facepalmed at that statement.

Then the crew decided to follow them in case they were needed. Who knows what could happen?

* * *

 **That's all for now! Be sure to check out the Selective FE8 PME on Serenes Forest! It has everything in bizarro-Magvel and more! Also, I may have gone too overboard with the meta-jokes there...**

 **This is Vanillite the Dragonslayer, signing off.**


End file.
